So....everyone knows...I am a "half time" mom (and I hate it...hate it). I share 50/50 custody plan with his father. We used to get along great. We also have a lot of mutual friends.
Sunday, two of our mutual friends got married. And both of us were invited...separately. Every other sunday after 10 is "his" time with our cub.
I arrived and found seats, near some friends from high school with my lovely boyfriend. My son's father and girlfriend showed up along with my cub. My cub saw me and the smile that lit up his face was priceless. He ran to me and hugged me, "mama!" he said....man I love those special smiles just for me.
At that point there was no choice as to where they were going to sit....the cub wanted to be with me and his father obviously was not going to move....can we say awkward!
Chris and Jason were introduced...as was his girlfriend...I don't know why she can't smile...
The ceremony was beautiful. The cub sat on my lap as I whispered in his the ear the special things that were happening....then the ceremony ended.
My cub was taken by the hand by his father and led away. Was not allowed to say "bye mama" or anything. During the reception it was hard not to pay attention to what they were doing. Other kids were dancing with their parents, or grandparents...having a grand old time. My cub was seated at his table with his father and his significant other, and given a cell phone to play with. No dancing for him.
Finally, I texted his dad and asked...."can I have a dance with Lyall?" No response. So I walked up and said, "may I please dance with our son?" I was told, I could have one dance and to make it quick because they were leaving. I walked up to my cub and asked him if he wanted to dance. He jumped right into my arms and we had a great dance. He wanted to keep dancing but it was time for him to go back to daddy. He was told to give me a hug and a kiss and then they left.
The whole event hurt. There were a few times his father and I bumped into each other...but no words, smiles or friendly looks were exchanged. I even complimented his girlfriend's shoes (and it was a genuine compliment they were really cute!!), only to be ignored. It killed me to watch my son not being talked too...or danced with or any sort of stimulation other than a smart phone. I would have gladly taken the cub and sat with him and Jason. Played and danced and laughed.
But, this is reality. Or...my reality. My dreams of the whole Bruce, Demi and Ashton way of life just aren't going to happen. And this was probably the hardest, because it was the first event we had to do this way. We are two different people, who parent two different ways....and I have to learn that it has to be ok. And I have to continue to keep the smile on my face for my cub. Because he will grow up and remember that his mum was always classy....or atleast tried. C'mon...it's me people.
I love my son. He is my entire world. The way his face lights up, lights my life. And even if I can't have what I want, I can try to give him the most "normal" childhood possible, and let him be a kid as long as he can be a kid. I don't want him tangled up in all of this, and I hope that both his father and I do a good enough job of masking our ouchie feelings. And no matter what, I will always love his father...because without him I would never have our cub....I really do miss what good friends we once were.
Maybe we will get there in time. We have a life time of more events, games, concerts, graduations, weddings, births of grandchildren. But the wait is hard.
And boy do I miss not having my cub every day.
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